{"id":28034,"date":"2020-05-04T06:00:08","date_gmt":"2020-05-04T05:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/a-desk.org\/?p=28034"},"modified":"2023-07-09T14:34:44","modified_gmt":"2023-07-09T12:34:44","slug":"lack-of-laughter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/a-desk.org\/ca\/magazine\/lack-of-laughter\/","title":{"rendered":"Lack of Laughter"},"content":{"rendered":"

En quin moment va succeir? Quan va tenir lloc el salt i el vaig pronunciar per primera vegada? ‘LOL’. Intento veure’m a mi mateixa, en una situaci\u00f3 social agitada, calorosa. Veig fins i tot les lluentors en el front, els ulls una mica desencaixats (era necessari haver consumit alguna subst\u00e0ncia per a transcendir per sobre de la vergonya i la malaptesa, o b\u00e9 estar plet\u00f2rica, en un registre d’humor molt alt, sarc\u00e0stic, envoltada de persones que ho comprenguessin). Per\u00f2 em veig obligada a tatxar el record. Rebobino. Desenganxo la cua de cinta de la ficci\u00f3, tal com em van ensenyar als 18 anys al cineclub, i enganxo el rotllo de la realitat. Apago la llum de la sala i projecto: Jo mai he dit ‘LOL’. Suposo que aix\u00f2 em situa en una edat, en una franja. Em sento en aquesta franja i somric. Porto una bata blau cel,\u00a0sabatilles. Atenci\u00f3: \u00e9s la primera vegada que, en un text, em refereixo a mi mateixa com una senyora i somric amb les meves primeres arrugues d’expressi\u00f3. Per\u00f2 tampoc aix\u00f2 \u00e9s cert del tot. Tinc 36 anys. M’acomodo en una vana senyoria per a avan\u00e7ar-me al temps. Abans que la\u00a0“senyoritut”\u00a0em caci i em doni unes quantes dentades, ja la mossego jo. M’agrada imaginar que estar\u00e9 en pau, m’agrada pensar-me vella serena, i ho fingeixo des de ja mateix. Explico aix\u00f2 perqu\u00e8 el meu afany d’avan\u00e7ada\u00a0“senyoritut” no \u00e9s molt diferent de l’afany del\u00a0LOL: “Intentar\u00e9 que sembli que les coses no m’enxampen del tot per sorpresa”.<\/p>\n

Recordo, amb el cor encongit de tendresa, una captura disseminada en xarxes, en la qual una mare informava la seva filla via\u00a0wasap\u00a0que “Grandma\u00a0passed\u00a0away\u00a0last\u00a0night.\u00a0LOL”. Davant l’horror de la seva filla, que descobria que la seva mare havia enviat aquest missatge a tota la fam\u00edlia pr\u00f2xima i llunyana, la mare li confessava estupefacta que pensava que ‘LOL’ significava ‘lots\u00a0of\u00a0love’. Aix\u00f2, suposo, \u00e9s ser una senyora, i no lo meu. Quan tindr\u00e0 lloc la meva primera ficada de pota perqu\u00e8 crec saber el significat d’un nou terme per\u00f2 estic equivocada? Perqu\u00e8 jo no he pronunciat el\u00a0LOL excepte d’una forma llunyana, fent sobre el paper d’una altra persona, per\u00f2 s\u00ed que ho he pensat i, sobretot, s\u00ed ho he sentit. Tamb\u00e9 he escodrinyat a la gent que s\u00ed que ho pronuncia, i s\u00e9 que el\u00a0LOL\u00a0\u00e9s l’\u00fanic riure intel\u00b7ligent, convenientment allunyat de l’emoci\u00f3, gaireb\u00e9 as\u00e8ptic, per\u00f2 sense arribar a perdre frescor i simpatia. El\u00a0LOL \u00e9s un “Hauria d’estar rient-me, per\u00f2 la meva vida \u00e9s tan esgotadora, el meu cervell est\u00e0 tan crivellat d’est\u00edmuls, que entenc que ara ve un riure, per\u00f2 \u00e9s un riure que no puc pronunciar, perqu\u00e8 el riure \u00e9s s\u00edstole, di\u00e0stole, convulsi\u00f3, una sorpresa fins i tot per al propi cos que l’emet, i a mi, filla del\u00a0meme\u00a0perpetu, costa que alguna cosa em sorprengui de manera genu\u00efna”.<\/p>\n

Fa dos anys, en un bar pretesament modern, impracticable i soroll\u00f3s, amb gent no podent comunicar-se mentre mullava bastons de s\u00e8gol en gemmes d’ous benedictins, en el qual m’havien citat per a una reuni\u00f3, la meva gossa va comen\u00e7ar a saltar. \u00c9s petita, salta molt, amb gran alegria, i queda suspesa en l’aire d’una forma que encanta i espanta a la gent. Jo s\u00e9 que ho fa perqu\u00e8 vol estar prop dels caps, que \u00e9s on succeeix l’important. El cambrer,\u00a0d’uns vint anys,\u00a0llarg i maldestre, es va acostar als seus salts. Estava genu\u00efnament encantat, per\u00f2 se li notava despr\u00e9s d’una capa de magma petrificat, un magma bell\u00edssim, fluor generacional, profundament insegur. Encantada d’haver captat l’atenci\u00f3 d’alg\u00fa, la meva gossa li va saltar tres vegades. I en cada salt de la meva gossa, els ulls d’ell van brillar. I en cada salt de la meva gossa, la seva boca es va entreobrir una mica m\u00e9s (encara que no diria que all\u00f2 arrib\u00e9s a ser un somriure) donant-li als seus llavis l’aspecte d’una estranya orqu\u00eddia amb\u00a0brackets<\/em>. I en cadascun dels salts de la meva gossa, va pronunciar:<\/p>\n

(Salt)
\nLOL!
\n(Salt)
\nLOL!
\n(Salt)
\nLOL!<\/p>\n

Jo t’entenc, noi. La vida \u00e9s despietada, vivim tots prop del\u00a0bullying<\/em>. Malgrat habitar jo aquesta vida amb el riure nu, desprotegida, de caure cada poc en aquesta coreografia de cos arquejat cap endarrere, boca oberta, moltes vegades he sentit que riure era claudicar. Una vegada, la meva amiga\u00a0Arancha\u00a0va dir: “\u00c9s curi\u00f3s, Sabina, per\u00f2 tens un riure pr\u00f2xim al plor”. El riure i el seu contrari sortint junts, de la m\u00e0, per a protegir-se. Potser, noi, la meva contradicci\u00f3 t\u00e9 la mateixa for\u00e7a que la teva vitrina protectora. La imagino com la rosa de La bella i la b\u00e8stia<\/em>, marcint-se a poc a poc fins que arribi el dia en qu\u00e8 et venci la teva primera riallada adulta o no et sentis obligat a manifestar riure quan realment no n’hi ha. Per\u00f2 potser no has vist aquesta pel\u00b7l\u00edcula. \u00c9s vella. I en aquest \u00faltim comentari -“Per\u00f2 potser no has vist aquesta pel\u00b7l\u00edcula. \u00c9s vella”- sembla que torno a la bata blau cel, a apretar b\u00e9 els dits a les\u00a0sabatilles, a parapetar-me en la meva fingida maduresa experimentada. Per\u00f2 en realitat el m\u00f3n em fa por i \u00e9s possible que em converteixi en la senyora que obre la porta de casa seva i observa amb desconfian\u00e7a, mentre entrecreua les solapes de la bata, tancant-la de nou, tancant-la m\u00e9s forta, per a mantenir en lloc segur tot el seu. Mentre mira cautelosa el que succeeix fora de la seva casa, per\u00f2 sense sortir de l’obertura de la porta, s’entrecreua\u00a0tres vegades les solapes de la bata:<\/p>\n

(Tancament bata)
\nLOL!
\n(Tancament bati)
\nLOL!
\n(Tancament bati)
\nLOL!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

(Il\u00b7lustracions de Choche Ezequiel\u00a0https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/choche_ezekielhurtado\/<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

En quin moment va succeir? Quan va tenir lloc el salt i el vaig pronunciar per primera vegada? ‘LOL’. Intento veure’m a mi mateixa, en una situaci\u00f3 social agitada, calorosa….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2665,"featured_media":28044,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6035],"tags":[],"coauthors":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nLack of Laughter – A*Desk<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/a-desk.org\/ca\/magazine\/lack-of-laughter\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"ca_ES\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Lack of Laughter – A*Desk\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"En quin moment va succeir? 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