![\"\"](\"http:\/\/a-desk.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/ALDO-URBANO-e1575894572923.jpg\")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Ambiguity as a queen<\/p>\n
and the world wearing an<\/p>\n
endless mask,<\/p>\n
frightening and fascinating<\/p>\n
\u2013 magnetic \u2013<\/p>\n
like an object that brings death.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It was beginning to chase me, but did<\/p>\n
so with a clumsy slowness and a<\/p>\n
stupid gaze, and although I fled<\/p>\n
quicker, in the end it always managed<\/p>\n
to catch up with me, and that was the<\/p>\n
most terrifying part of the dream. I<\/p>\n
woke up and there was someone in<\/p>\n
the light-filled kitchen, and I told them<\/p>\n
my dream. Chase us like that, slowly<\/p>\n
yet inexorably, is what night does<\/p>\n
throughout the day.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Children pray for night not to come,<\/p>\n
but night always arrives; even if it<\/p>\n
chases them slowly and they can still<\/p>\n
run away, in the end it always arrives.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Night-time and its age-old call to<\/p>\n
brutality and rising fevers, as if<\/p>\n
darkness helped them conspire to<\/p>\n
defeat the body, and with that loss<\/p>\n
came all sorts of nightmares that in<\/p>\n
daylight would make us smile but are<\/p>\n
now powerful because they’re in their<\/p>\n
rightful place and are all-pervasive.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At night-time, horror becomes<\/p>\n
believable, but it’s much worse when<\/p>\n
that horror proves that it is perfectly<\/p>\n
able to survive the brightness of such<\/p>\n
a Saturday.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Saturday was splendid and sad,<\/p>\n
enveloped in a sort of boring euphoria.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At the market, as usual, I was drawn to<\/p>\n
the object with an evil aura. I reach the<\/p>\n
stall and that’s all I see. Everything<\/p>\n
else is uninteresting and seems to<\/p>\n
have become invisible before the<\/p>\n
sudden irresistible presence of the<\/p>\n
object I’m going to buy, the evil and<\/p>\n
accursed object. It was a heart made of<\/p>\n
mother-of-pearl with a black door in<\/p>\n
the centre, surrounded by two dark<\/p>\n
birds like two open arms.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The ground glowed as if a pack of<\/p>\n
hungry demons had nested in its<\/p>\n
depths a long time ago and had now<\/p>\n
grown; spectral shapes traversed by<\/p>\n
fire I did my best to ignore. The fact is<\/p>\n
it no longer mattered because there it<\/p>\n
was, the white and evil jewel,<\/p>\n
transforming before my eyes with the<\/p>\n
speed of a tropical storm. I knew I<\/p>\n
would have exchanged everything I<\/p>\n
had obtained in order to possess it. I<\/p>\n
also knew that there was no salvation<\/p>\n
for someone who was able to think<\/p>\n
that, and even though I had begun to<\/p>\n
suffer I felt as if I was drugged \u2014 a<\/p>\n
drug that extolled the jewel and<\/p>\n
confused me, like a poisonous animal<\/p>\n
attacking itself.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
To live in the contradiction of desiring<\/p>\n
the accursed and, at once, being<\/p>\n
eternally superstitious and rejecting it.<\/p>\n
The shopkeeper notices the<\/p>\n
ambivalence and this ensures I get a<\/p>\n
fair price in the bargaining, for the<\/p>\n
truth is that, even though I want to<\/p>\n
possess it, at the same time I want to<\/p>\n
distance myself from it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Everything is a melting pot of contrary<\/p>\n
feelings, darkness and sweetness \u2014<\/p>\n
that’s what we find attractive, that<\/p>\n
something should disgust us in a new<\/p>\n
way.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When things like this happen I feel<\/p>\n
that, for me, the world will never be<\/p>\n
clean.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Now, letting myself be flooded by this<\/p>\n
feeling without expecting any kind of<\/p>\n
fulfilment, like a teenager who lets<\/p>\n
himself be overwhelmed by something<\/p>\n
he has seen, unable to think of himself<\/p>\n
or of the consequences and knowing<\/p>\n
he is at once alive and dead, overcome<\/p>\n
by a spectre that has seized his body<\/p>\n
and that from that moment on will do<\/p>\n
what it likes with it. And while I<\/p>\n
continue to dream of kidnappings and<\/p>\n
of my kidnappers \u2013 who in the dream<\/p>\n
are either women, young or old, or<\/p>\n
men wearing hoods \u2013 these are the<\/p>\n
feelings roaming idly across the world<\/p>\n
in search of a body to inhabit and have<\/p>\n
now found mine, so I’m their hostage<\/p>\n
for as long as they please.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
How the last few months have been a<\/p>\n
gradual surrender to this thing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
That an object be inhabited by an\u00a0ill-<\/p>\n
fated feeling, a desire to hurt.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Before entering the house with the<\/p>\n
poisoned object, I ended up getting rid<\/p>\n
of it. And feeling released, released in<\/p>\n
a way that made me sad, as if in the<\/p>\n
past few months I had inhabited a<\/p>\n
demon that made me cry and fall into<\/p>\n
an ecstasy that lasted as long as the<\/p>\n
jewel wanted, before suddenly<\/p>\n
abandoning me, leaving me emptily<\/p>\n
roaming the streets like a lost ghost.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ambiguity as a queen and the world wearing an endless mask, frightening and fascinating \u2013 magnetic \u2013 like an object that brings death. It was beginning to chase me,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2655,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6023],"tags":[],"coauthors":[6605],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n