{"id":36181,"date":"2022-05-16T07:02:28","date_gmt":"2022-05-16T06:02:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/a-desk.org\/?p=36181"},"modified":"2023-07-09T14:44:42","modified_gmt":"2023-07-09T12:44:42","slug":"emo-es-chat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/a-desk.org\/en\/magazine\/emo-es-chat\/","title":{"rendered":"emo.es"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

hey
\nare you there?
\nyes
\n<\/span>how you doing?
\nfine<\/span>
\nlet\u2019s start
\nas i told you, i really wanted to speak with you
\nthis conversation will be part of a text, or will be the text itself, of an article I was asked to write about puberty
\nok<\/span>
\nthere are two people i will talk with
\nand the text will come from both conversations
\nto begin could you introduce yourself
\nmy name is Julia, 16 years old<\/span>
\nanything else?
\nwhat pronouns would you like me to refer to you with?
\npreferably he\/him<\/span>
\nunderstood
\nwhen I saw you for the first time I felt a breath of fresh air, you seem like a free person who dictates their own rules of the game
\nin several ways
\ndo you agree?
\nyes partly yes<\/span>
\nif you feel like it, i would like you to explain that in more detail
\ni wouldn\u2019t describe myself as free but it is true that I don\u2019t care about norms or social constructs. i trust my own reasoning and when I don’t see the point of something I declare it useless and ignore it<\/span>
\non an aesthetic level, what do you value? how do you choose your aesthetic? what do you base it on? what do you discard? what do you declare as useless?
\neverything okay?
\nno answer?
\nas my personality, a bit childish, makes me feel somewhat insecure, i like for my interior to contrast with my exterior because i find that interesting. i usually dress in black but I don’t worry too much about it because i don\u2019t care what other people think very much<\/span>
\nHAJAHAJHA<\/span>
\nwell<\/span>
\ni like to write well<\/span>
\nwhen you say childish personality, what do you mean?
\nugh it\u2019s a long story but I’ll try to sum it up<\/span>
\nthere\u2019s no rush
\ni have other abilities and it took me a while to find that out but it made me distance myself from people. as I got older I began to act dumber unconsciously but that\u2019s how I managed to make good friends. this role playing stuck among the people closest to me and they don\u2019t take me seriously<\/span>
\nwhat do you mean by other abilities?
\nhigh IQ<\/span>
\nhow did you find out?
\nan elementary school teacher noticed and did some tests on me<\/span>
\nyes, it\u2019s true that you often seem distant but at the same time you are super empathic when you speak, super aware and you also have an incredible involvement in things that motivate you, it\u2019s quite obvious
\nwell i wouldn\u2019t say empathic<\/span>
\nwhy not?
\ni find it hard to put myself in the shoes of others, when I do it is because I\u2019ve gone through something similar and I can make comparisons<\/span>
\ndo you have the material we talked about? things that bother you, get you excited, move you, like photos, frames, memes, lyrics<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

hahahahahhaha
\nthe fried chicken
\nXDDDDDD
\nwhat\u2019s the last one?
\na song
\n<\/span>in what language?
\nI ask so I can look for the lyrics
\noh I don\u2019t know I’ll check<\/span>
\nEnglish<\/span><\/p>\n

Uh, yeah!
\nMass\u2026produce lifestyle with no easy way out of this hell
\nFreedom goes fast, enjoy it\u2005while\u2005you got it\u2005before your time\u2019s up and you\u2005reach the last minute
\nMerci, au revoir
\nPride shades the truth deep within you, create yourself a new view
\nIf tired of comin\u2019 up short, sleep until the whistle, Halftime!
\nClimax, daydreaming, All in!
\nLines of lust and love are blurred
\nThis burning feeling explodes
\nWill your true feelings show?
\nI kept walking on the wild side
\nI don\u2019t wanna fall asleep throughout my life
\nSometimes in a Clyde Barrow style
\nSometimes like a James Bond mind
\nCan\u2019t sensor me if I keep singing, keep rapping, keep telling the truth like Malcom X
\nMy fate is worth it if it\u2019s after this
\nTo all the Gods I ask: what is after death\uff1f
\nTurmoil in my heart, it has to end
\nFollowing your mind, with that wisdom you\u2019ll ascend
\nNow before we go, tell me what\u2019s the plan
\nIs it time for one last dance?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

is that it??
\nyes<\/span>
\nand the dog?
\nIt\u2019s my dog<\/span>
\nmine<\/span>
\nwhat\u2019s it called????
\nit\u2019s super cool
\nnava<\/span>
\nshe\u2019s a bit silly<\/span>
\ncute
\ni have a better photo<\/span>
\ngo ahead
\ni like it better<\/span>
\nohhhhhhhhh
\nyesssss
\nchange of subject, do you feel comfortable talking about gender?
\ndepends<\/span>
\ni would like very much to know what you think of this whole matter. how you live it, if you have always felt respected or if you\u2019ve suffered, but what most interests me is your vision and reflection on the oppressive social construction of dividing things into two traditional genders.
\nThat is, if it doesn’t bother you and you don\u2019t mind wading into controversy.
\nif does, then nothing.
\nno worries.
\nbe yourself.
\nwhat you have to say seems very important to me.
\nyes<\/span>
\nlisten, I have to go now, but I would really like to continue, is that cool?
\nwell i\u00b4ll write you so you can have my answer<\/span>
\ntomorrow I\u2019m free all day until 5:00 p.m. and all morning sunday
\nbrilliant! there are more things I would like to share with you
\nif you can and want to, that would be cool
\nwell tomorrow morning<\/span>
\nwhat time?
\n11.30?<\/span>
\nperf
\nsee you here
\na hug and thanks!
\nokay<\/span>
\nhere we go!<\/span>
\ngender is another social construct I don’t understand, but it\u2019s very hard to explain why. i like that there are more and more people on the non-binary spectrum because you can see the difference in mentality between people who understand it and those who don\u2019t. that said, that kind of thinking could coincide with radical feminism, which, if i’m not mistaken, fights for the abolition of gender, among other things. the problem is that i\u2019ve personally seen many transphobic attacks justified by feminism or terf arguments that have made me reject feminism.<\/span>
\nhello! good morning, after reading your answer yesterday i wondered what TERF was and i looked it up. i see that it\u2019s about a JK Rowling tweet, but I can’t find it…
\ntransphobia, I understand from the feminist side… is that it?
\ntrans-exclusionary radical feminist<\/span>
\nhave you ever been bullied?
\nyesterday you told me that you played dumb to be accepted
\nto put it in a simplified way
\nand it shocked me
\ni wouldn’t call it bullying<\/span>
\nwhat would you call it?
\nit’s just that there were people who didn\u2019t like me<\/span>
\nokay
\nare you downplaying the situation?
\ni don\u2019t know (crying emoji) I never felt it was bullying<\/span>
\nwhat music do you listen to?
\ni don’t listen to much music but i like pop punk and indie rock<\/span>
\nany specific band? please? : )
\nnirvana, green day, the fratellis, the killers<\/span>
\noh!
\nthe strokes, mother mother<\/span>
\noh!
\nthat\u2019s a surprise, i mean here we have something in common
\nI\u2019m not very underground in terms of music<\/span>
\nhahahahahahah
\nhahahahah
\nyesterday i told you about the sense of freedom i have when meeting people with criteria as solid as yours (which doesn\u2019t imply that they can\u2019t change) and at the same time I felt very challenged by some aesthetic tensions and contradictions that you have and that i like a lot. i\u2019d like you to tell me about them, I know you told me that you do what makes sense to you, but perhaps we can dig a little deeper
\nyou are a person who wears long bangs, covering your face, incredible bangs, thick and which work as a shield, mask and helmet
\nI personally am fascinated
\nhow long have you been wearing your hair like that?
\nless than a year<\/span>
\nand how do you feel?
\nwhat led you to this kind of style?
\nat first i had just some small bangs but little by little i let them get thicker because it looked good on me<\/span>
\ndo you agree with what I said? that they\u2019re very powerful and seem like a super strong barrier\/shield\/mask
\nnot much, it\u2019s not intentional that my hair covers my face so much it\u2019s just that i don’t know what length to cut it. although sometimes i like that it hides my eyes and keeps me from making eye contact with others, which makes me a bit uncomfortable.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

eye contact makes you uncomfortable.
\nhow about physical contact?
\na bit but less and less
\n<\/span>for example, a classmate of yours asked me not to touch her after i touched her arm, she asked me not to do it anymore
\nand I felt bad for crossing the line without asking her permission
\nthere was also a classmate of yours who told me that she was very uncomfortable seeing bodies, in images, semi-nudes or full-nudes, that she felt really uncomfortable
\ni was surprised and felt bad for not having been more discreet and for not trying to understand it a little better
\n<\/span>could you explain to me your discomfort with eye contact or physical contact? how does it make you feel? why do you think it bothers you?
\ni just feel that people use it to create a connection that I don’t want or need.
\n<\/span>exactly
\nwow would you define intimacy?
\nno idea
\n<\/span>hahahahahha
\nhahahahhahahaha
\nok ok
\ndance
\nit\u2019s something important to you, no?
\nwhat is dance, for you?
\nnah
\n<\/span>ok
\nit\u2019s just something i\u2019m good at naturally
\n<\/span>sooooo good!
\nnot so much
\n<\/span>ahem
\nlet\u2019s not argue about that
\nwhat do you think of adults?
\nIt\u2019s just that i move in a way people like, not only dancing but also even just walking
\n<\/span>yes
\nand you have no idea why?
\nno idea.
\n<\/span>neither do I
\ni\u2019d say it has to do with rhythm and flexibility
\nit must be the rhythm because when I played music it was the only thing I was good at
\n<\/span>it generates some kind of movement and special synchronicity that makes it \u2018beautiful\u2019
\nhow would you define the concept of beauty?
\nin a general sense
\ni don’t have a description, i guess it\u2019s something you enjoy watching. i hate when people agree on what\u2019s pretty and what\u2019s not. i like when everyone likes something different and everyone has their own opinion. the only taste in aesthetics or beauty that should be criticized is what\u2019s \u2018normal\u2019 or standard.
\n<\/span>how do you see adults? those around you
\nthey care too much about what\u2019s normal and i don\u2019t like them. they try to be neutral to avoid conflict but it almost never works. they care too much about what others will say.
\n<\/span>would parents and close relatives come under this definition?
\nyes<\/span>
\ni remember you said that there is a gif that defines how you feel when you get home! but I don’t remember what it was
\ndo you remember?
\nfairies
\n<\/span>that\u2019s it!!!!
\nfairies as in\u2026?<\/span>
\ngood vibes, nice feelings, happiness?
\nglitter i don\u2019t know<\/span>
\nare your parents separated?
\nfairies in both houses?
\nyes<\/span>
\nno<\/span>
\nin my mom’s house<\/span>
\ndo you have siblings?
\nyes a twin sister<\/span>
\n?!
\nis there a connection between you two?
\nsometimes but we are quite different<\/span>
\ndogpiss?
\nwtf?
\nwhat (crying emoji)<\/span>
\nhahahhaha
\nwhere does your name come from?
\nit\u2019s surprising
\nreally
\nno offense
\nplz
\ni first started using it on tiktok and since i hadn’t used the old one for a long time, I changed it
\n<\/span>but is it really dog pee?
\nit doesn’t make much sense it\u2019s just that i wanted something with pipi
\nit makes me laugh
\n<\/span>is there anything you would like to ask?
\nno
\nthanks for your time
\nwell, okay, there is
\n<\/span>will my name come out in the interview?
\n<\/span>however you want
\nhow would you prefer me to identify you?
\ni\u2019d prefer you didn\u2019t use my name
\n<\/span>how about some other name, tag, avatar?
\nok<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

and what should i call you
\nsubject 1?
\ndogpiss?
\nuli yeah uli<\/span>
\nuli?
\nok
\nit\u2019s my internet name<\/span>
\nperf
\nwould you feel comfortable with a picture of yourself?
\ndon’t know<\/span>
\nwe can use an avatar, or an image that represents you
\nyou can decide that yourself, i don’t mind
\nif you want I can make you a puber portrait, that would be cool, but I\u2019m flexible if you prefer another style
\nfeel free
\nnah that\u2019s fine<\/span>
\na portrait?
\nyes<\/span>
\ngreat!!!
\nhow about tomorrow?
\ndo you have any free time?
\ni think so<\/span>
\nin the morning before noon would work splendid for me
\nbut i\u2019m flexible
\njust let me know where you are and i’ll come by
\nin the morning but not too early<\/span>
\nok<\/p>\n

TO TELL THE TRUTH
\nwe meet in a field to take the portrait.
\nand he says: my father, his girlfriend and my dog are coming.
\nand without realizing it i call him he.
\nand I feel, every time I say \u201che\u201d out loud, in front of his father, an impact.
\ni sense that no one ever asked him what pronoun he wanted them to use at home.
\nso that by saying \u201che\u201d out loud it\u2019s like performing the truth for the first time.
\nfrom a distance it may not seem like much. up close, however, to tell the truth is revolutionary.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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